Monthly Archives: October 2014

Fallen Statues

Anything I’ve thought,
Oh but that woman who held me,
Who cried for me and died for me,
I laughed at her.
And that woman who sang to me,
Whose voice became the birds
And whose feet became the gentle breeze
We all laughed at her.
And then silence tore across the sky,
And the fallen statues held a dream
That the world was not ready to know.
Yes, I saw her. I saw all of her
I saw her for who she was,
And then I laughed while I
Drew chickens on her grave.

Everything I’ve thought,
Isn’t it funny how the moon runs away
From the sun but the sun
Bows to the moon?
Dawn and dusk are but slobbering infants,
Lost and trapped in the middle of
Gods who have no time for their own progeny.
So busy are they who believe in wilting matchsticks
So busy in the name of lords whose power
Has never seen a brisk dusk,
Or a beautiful dawn,
Sometimes I wish I could help them,
Just put my hand out and call for the world to end,
But then I’m too busy laughing while I
Spit on the temples of forgotten gods.

Nothing I’ve thought,
No, but how could you think in reverse?
Talk to me from the end and maybe I’ll
Understand the beginning? Not a chance
Not in ten thousand lifetimes would I care
To know the beginning. We all know the end
Is the same as the beginning. How could
They be different? Delusions of time seen in the most
Ridiculous way, for they think it follows
The same path as the heathen pilgrims
But then who else knew the way to hell?
I’ve been trying to find it my whole life,
But I’d be better off trying to find a tree
In the garden of death. Don’t laugh,
We’ll meet there some cloudy winter’s day.

In So Many Eyes

In so many words,
A man has kissed but not loved,
And thus has died in a psychotic fire.
But if he had not kissed,
Could he ever have loved
Another who loved him
In so many words.

In so many things,
There is life and there is
The realization that death
Is but another insane child
In this quivering universe,
And I guess that’s a little bit funny
In so many things.

In so many seasons,
Snow falls but we don’t
See how lucid we really are.
And if I can’t know
How much I have seen
How can I proffer what I don’t have
In so many seasons.

In so many lives,
Light flickers and dies,
Children laugh and then cry,
Birds fly and then fall
Down in a thermal wind
That carries the heart
In so many lives.

In so many eyes,
The wispy heathens of day,
Watch them run away,
For fear of meeting another,
But if they could only sing,
The music that could be made
In so many eyes.

In so many hearts,
A black tar sucks in the world,
Torn apart by confusion,
And mad lust for flights of
Fancy that offer but a sliver
Of the love that cries
In so many hearts.

I Remember

I remember when love was just an idea,
I remember when it was perfect,
How could it ever be wrong?
In my mind I saw you dancing,
It was the most beautiful sight,
My eyes had ever fallen upon.
I remember you laughing,
And I thought I would be right there with you.
I remember those days,
Those days that I wished would never end,
When hope was everywhere,
I didn’t know any better,
How could I?
We were perfect, you and I,
Why couldn’t you see?
You ran through so much sadness,
You cried and I wished I was there.
You let them hurt you, I trembled,
Why did you let them do it?
I’ve been standing here the whole time,
Waiting for you to see me,
Waiting for you to realize,
What you had always wanted,
Was what I always wanted to give you.
But it was not to be,
The perfection that lay at the end of that road,
Was never achieved.
Like so many other tales that end,
They are not sung, they are not remembered,
But they are as real as you and I.

The Mad Carnival

Trapped in this mad carnival,
This asylum of children where
Nothing has more meaning than
An empty sidewalk, or lilting
Raindrops on a barren windowsill.
Everything I’ve known, unseen
By other eyes that hold only
Frozen comfort.

In this land of copper carpets
And lurid lights.
This paradise of the body
Where no mind can breathe,
No heart can beat slowly
Where bands of rain play for
Deserted parking lots,
I am home.

No I can’t sell out, I
Never bought in.
When money is the currency of the heart,
And millions dance in pointed circles.
Where the land of dreams meets
The devouring sea.
Where the skies of hope touch
The waters of fire,
The colors of death.

The young mare, untainted by
Any stallions hand.
Runs off in search of
Mechanical mountains and is
Lost in the digital seas.
Where the dark is lost to
The light, there are no
Stars to wish upon.

Where time is lost to
Forgotten memories.
When the nightmare hour kisses
The hopeful dawn.
What madness should love,
A life with no soul.
Who dances in fire
Is always cold.

My languid body, my broken mind
If you could put me back together
I don’t think you would.
All signals are lost in this
Muted haze.
The graying smoke rings
Float away.
While the cracks in the sky
Bleed my body.

Leaves that lie, that pawn off
Freedom like a sick dog.
Where bridges lead only
One way, and streetlights
Plead for the bright of day.
When the hollow spirit is
Filled with poison,
I sleep under molten skies.

The tongue is tied, the words
Are clear but the body revolts
Against an honest rhyme.
A life that begs for air to breathe,
But fed only numbing tales
Of freedom to rise, to live for
Myself, if only I could be
Who was meant to be.

You cannot see, in crowds of hulks,
Where I’ve never known one
Person I’ve met.
Where hulking desire meets the
Shallow mind.
When nothing exists only in me,
When feeling has left when
Passion has died,
I am home.

Where does this winding path,
This final penance that was
Thrust upon me.
Where now does it cry
Where now does it languish
Where silent night comes
Only in deafness, and the
Mute laugh at empty words.

How does the world that dances
In rushing darkness,
How does the world that breathes
In crushing blackness.
How does the world that swims
In porous oceans.
How does the mantle not
Pass to me.

I’ve known every color, I’ve
Felt every shade.
In this mad carnival,
Where the masks never come off.
Where the mirrors reflect
No more than they see.
Where the absence of life
Makes me feel alive
I am home.


There are two types of nothing a person can know. One of these is the greatest feeling in the world, and one is the worst.

The first type of nothing comes when a person neither feels nor cares about anything. A complete ignorance leading to a complete bliss. Interestingly, this form of nothing allows a man to be anything. Stripped from the duties of a normal life, the mind is free to wander, free to become anything. It is the ultimate escape. In other words, this type of nothing involves a willingness to become nothing, to embrace oblivion and the void and thus become everything.

The second form of nothing is not a choice. It is an emptiness that comes from feeling the world believes you are nothing. It is feeling that one’s life has a complete absence of value.This nothing traps you within the one thing you don’t want to be: yourself. There is not a pain, as it were, in this nothing. One doesn’t cry and sob, or throw fits, or hurt anyone. How could you? These things all involve being able to feel something, and if you can feel you can hope. It is a state of utter hopelessness, the belief that the world no longer believes they exist, that the world doesn’t care, that most easily allows one to kill themselves, because following those thoughts to a logical conclusion, nothing will change (no pun intended).

In summary, the main difference between these two extreme states of being is the essence of choice. One desires nothing, the other that nothing desires them. In both cases death is not an unwelcome friend, but simply the only place left to go.

Out Into the Blue

In madness, the warped mind twists and snakes upwards towards the light,
Yet remains forevermore in a dark and sickly night.
There I was, though with a memory that knew not where to start,
In this forest, black and ominous, that keeps you and I apart.
Running through the smothering haze of murky, poisoned fumes,
Where the trees cover a pallid sky and the end always looms,
I heard the voices shouting screaming cursing me for I,
I never knew the warmth that rested in a lover’s eye.
And though my dreams had offered once a chance I would be saved,
Now I felt my dreams would only haunt me to the grave.
All I’ve ever wanted is to run out into the blue,
And laugh and sing with all the rest but most of all see you.
See you and give you what the world could never give to me,
To love and dance and shine for everyone we’d ever see.
But I can’t seem to run away, this forest holds me close,
That sickly sweet and slithering comfort for which I am the host.
There’s something reassuring when you cannot run away,
The knowledge that tomorrow is no different than today.
But still I wonder, still I wonder, if there was a way,
Would I take the leap of faith or like all else just pass away?

It seemed like years I had been stumbling around here in the dark,
In this forest, in this prison ship I could never disembark.
When suddenly my eyesight left me, no it was just light,
Light that blinded me; I had forgotten day could follow night.
Behind me rose the towering trees, sentinels of the dusk,
But before me lay a sight I didn’t believe that I could trust.
A river, soft and mellow, meandering quietly through the day,
And far across the turquoise water, I saw the angels lay.
I was enveloped with a wonder known only to children’s minds,
By what miracle had I been brought here, only of my kind.
As I was watching ancestral spirits praying to the dawn,
A voice that seemed to come from me began to sing a song.
I heard of riches imagination would never dare to dream,
And lands where all the peoples would bow down just to me.
Then another voice said “It’s a lie” and doubt began to creep,
Inside my mind like nightmares do when children try to sleep.
Perhaps it was too good to be true, would all this wealth and power,
Really bring me happiness during my final hour?
So there I lay, a battlefield of cold lust and self-doubt,
Beside this river whose turquoise water seemed the only offer out.

But lo, what sound could wake me from this troubled reverie?
A new voice and a new song now were drifting on the breeze.
I couldn’t place the origin nor could I hear the words,
But there was something in the tune that I had never before heard.
It held a warmth and kindness, enough to soothe a troubled soul,
It didn’t need cold logic and it didn’t demand control.
Nor too were doubt and mistrust tones that echoed through my brain,
Those hallmarks of the mind which has embraced the insane.
Instead there was a nakedness and honesty inside,
The song which never claimed to have anything to hide.
Soon the river’s waters began to ripple and then she came,
Sailing in a boat with room for two, and one spot still remained.
I felt my heart begin to race, “Was this the chance I sought?
Salvation from the loneliness that clouds my every thought?”
The other voices began to sense a changing deep inside,
And soon they tried to warn me of the dangers of the ride.
“That boat will bring you nowhere, if you think that you’re trapped now,
Just imagine how hard life will be with no friends but the clouds.”
But the deceit could not be hidden from their poisonous words,
While in your song the purity of love was all I heard.

The boat pulled up along the shore, you beckoned me aboard,
That face that held a beauty I had so long adored.
Maybe all the doubts are true, but for what I desire most,
If in some universe there is a chance, I stepped off of the coast.
Into the boat and silence was the only sound I heard,
The voices that had plagued me had vanished without a word.
I looked at her, she looked at me, we pushed off from the shore,
With no doubts now that life could change and love last evermore.

When the Sun Falls to Earth

In the dark and frosty morning of the first winters chill,
I was alone inside my home on old Adam’s Hill.
Awakening to another day who knew only gray,
Who knew only gray.
And all I wanted to do was roll back in bed,
And drift away to other lands where nothing would be said,
Nothing would be said about this cold winter day,
This cold winter day.
The last embers burned out, I watched as they cried,
For the will to go on living but finally they died,
They died and the warmth that had tickled my bones,
Would not reach my soul.
No this man whose heart had given everything it had,
No longer had the strength to feel happy or feel sad,
Since the world had taken the only thing I ever wished to love,
I ever wished to love.

It was in spring when flowers meet the first exciting dawn,
When the sun is up and birds are calling them to come along.
My heart was young, my mind was light, as I walked through the fields,
As I walked through the fields.
I was alone, but no I heard a song that had no words,
A song that birds would dream to sing, a song that could be heard,
Not with the ears or with the mind but only with the heart,
Only with the heart.
Then she came, I thought the sun had fallen down to Earth,
Her hair was so radiant as to blind like light at first birth.
And her eyes were like two crystalline stars in a dark dark night,
Giving hope and light.
Everyday I walked through the fields and everyday I found,
Another reason, another life when love was all around.
For to be near her was to be near something words could not define,
To be with the divine.

Soon the days grew longer, and I praised the Lord for this,
Anytime I was asleep was a time that I would miss,
I was not with her and my dreams were only to be awake,
Only to be awake.
I raced the sun to the dawn, and watched him exit west,
Bowing out to the moon and stars when loving is the best.
It’s the things that you can’t see that always taste the sweetest,
Always taste the sweetest.
Sometimes we would spend the day and never speak a word,
Just sit and laugh at the beauty that existed in our world.
It was only times like this that I would fear death,
When heaven was every breath.
We thought as one we breathed as one we loved as one,
My Eve and I were only meant to exist as one.
And the force that would tear us apart,
Even the devil felt ashamed.

As summer waned and autumn’s colors first swept crossed the trees,
We felt no chill together from the cool fall breeze.
We believed that life would never change, and harmony would go on,
Harmony would go on.
But from the first cough I was scared and soon she lay in bed,
I was right there by her side and together we both read.
Poems that passed down through the ages, looking now for wisdom,
What to do at the end.
I remember the day, a storm was raging as Satan sought his prize,
I watched her final breath escape her lips before my eyes.
But the skies had cleared and heaven reclaimed the only love I knew,
The only love I knew.
Half a man whose heart was now refusing to go on,
Life is just a petty game, for the ride we go along.
I knew that someday, someday I will feel my love again,
Feel your love again.

Man versus Woman

Man versus woman; the great battle, raging since the beginning of time. Stories of men abusing women and women using men have a long history. In more modern times, psychology has taken closer looks at the relationship, the subconscious mechanisms that guide interaction between these two diametrically opposed beings. Yet all these stories and studies have made the error of assuming male and female are genders. They are not. Man and woman are states of mind.

Let’s think about things for a minute. Is it really so easy to say all females are more manipulative naturally than males? It is easy to say, but that doesn’t make it right. Man and woman are not terms that have one meaning: there is a biological meaning and a psychological meaning. Biologically, the difference should be rather obvious I’d hope. But psychologically, the struggle between man and woman is a central theme and conflict in human history. It also now strikes me that I should clarify: when I say the struggle between man and woman is psychological, I don’t mean some identifying as a different gender than their biological sex. It is so much more than that.

Now let us delve into what these two concepts actually are. Man as a philosophical idea is connected with power, domination, strength, aggression, oppression. Men have always been the ruling class because of these traits. Now I say that, and one might be thinking “I thought this wasn’t biological?” Well, perceptive reader, it is true that in general the masculine state of mind is associated with the male biological gender. However, the key distinction to make is that it is not exclusive to that gender. In other words, a biological male can identify with the female state of mind and vice versa. He is not identifying with female as his biological gender but as his philosophy on life.

So what is the feminine state of mind then? The feminine state of mind is characterized by sensitivity, compassion, creativity. An easy way to compare is to say the man is the warrior, the female the artist. Now it perhaps appears that I am knocking men, and it is clearly better to be a woman. This is not strictly the case; the male state of mind was (is?) crucial for the survival and propagation of the human race to become to dominant species on Earth. The male mindset is very closely tied with Darwinist ideas about survival of the fittest. However, the question now is, we as humans have achieved our dominion over the fishes of the sea and birds of the air, how necessary is the man to human life?

My belief is that the ideal course of human advancement is to move away from the baser animal instincts of the man and towards the cultured and artistic ideals of the woman. Throughout human history, man has always been oppressing woman. We even call oppressive authority “the man” now. This type of order had it’s place in the evolution of humankind and the construction of society and civilization. But the time has come to take the next step in evolution. The man looks at the pleasures of the body as the greatest thing he can achieve. For him, sex, the propagation of the species, the most fundamental of all Darwinist ideals, is the greatest pleasure and achievement. I propose that we must turn to the mind for our next stage of evolution, not the body.

The rational mind is in constant conflict with the irrational body. The mind says to eat healthy, the body asks for sweets; the mind says woo the lady, show her you care, the body says take what is rightfully yours. We must strive to leave behind these base instincts to achieve a more realized state of being. The elevation of the human consciousness is the only viable path to evolution. The ideology of the man has run its course: we are already on top. We have “won”. Yet for the man it is never enough. There is no healthy victory. In lieu of other battles he will make his fellow man his enemy. Racism, sexism, nationalism: all ideas irrevocably tied to the male state of mind, designed to create a new battle to fight. Once we were one species, united in conflict with a hostile world; now we are many tribes, fighting amongst ourselves with no prize for the victor but yet more senseless conflict.

The female does not focus on outer conflict but inner struggle. Her greatest battle is creating a work of art, or achieving a serenity in a mad mad world. The female seeks to improve herself, rather than prove she is the strongest. Similar to Buddhism or transcendentalism, the female attempts to achieve a relative state of Nirvana on Earth. This is why the woman has always been subservient to the dominant male. She knows that true strength is not mastery of another but mastery of oneself. This is a concept the man is unable to grasp. He follows his base instincts and allows them to control his life. In this way, man in fact has less power than woman. What could possibly be more powerful than the mastery of one’s own mind and body? This is the next step in human evolution. If it is not taken, we will surely destroy ourselves; if it is, we will perfect ourselves.