To Dance in Darker Dreams

Lay me down, my love, in shadows to dance in darker dreams,
Life’s sweet and twisted reprieve, no protest from above.
Sinking with death’s soft herald, I heard her close the door,
Into the aether now, to drink with devils ‘til the morning comes once more.

Songs of primordial bliss, when Helios first kissed the milky dawn,
Days when we knew no wrong, all beautiful dissonance missed.
A blessed stasis, but our souls grew restless still,
In ignorant light, we pined for the bite of a dark gray winter’s chill.

Storm-gray fountain rains, acidic in the lurid glow,
Turning to broken shadows, at the threshold of hope insane.
Trapped in this sickly tar, these wings now never to fly away,
The colors drop, flap in futile madness as shadows fall today.

Sink into rancid seas, to wash this mask right off my face,
Borne from a blessed place, carried on the sallow breeze.
Dive beneath fickle waves, and bathe with filth to wash away,
For beauty lies, it lives and dies; still children awaken today.

Lost in a deathless wood, where shadows come to pass the time,
And search for exits to never find, and if we only could.
What lies in between the light, and blackness, the crushing dark of night?
Come find us there, who have defiled the garden, brought colors to the white.

Perverse and twisted wind comes screaming through an icy vale,
Over the banshee’s gale, far away the angels sing.
Still mocking those who fell, like songbirds we weep in snow,
Crying out for penance, with voices mute, dream for fires of love unknown.

Awake into darkened morn, still turning to reach a lustrous dawn,
The night seems to last so long, in sleepless shadows worn.
As dreams they wither and melt ‘neath the relentless, destructive sun,
Still the struggle goes on, between light and darkness where only the shadows won.

Stay Golden

Stay golden; such words meant nothing to me,
Who was so young and was so free.
All their words proved to be but doublespeak,
A million promises they never could keep.

I remember the days before there was time,
Waking hours were but an endless climb,
Towards far flung futures not yet known,
Those beautiful lies we’re always shown.

At new awakening of spring within,
That first caused these cold lips to sing.
Our love was first, will it always last?
Surely it must in a life with no past.

Into each day I could sink like a stone,
Perfect isolation though never alone.
Never again will I journey so deep,
Now the way back is far too steep.

The simplest pleasures were still new to me,
Like a blanket I wore such naïveté.
But already unclean, my mind always dragged down,
I never needed eyes to see what was around.

Weaving well worn lies across the brain,
To not accept is to be insane.
And so foolish was I I thought to believe,
Such wishes as only come true in dreams.

If only my first angel would once more return,
The Christmas-time feeling into which we’re born.
With perspective come only those doubts which drive,
Straight into the fabric of being alive.

And perverting the mind that never unkind,
Would have lashed out in anger ‘gainst those who have time.
As for myself I wish only to lose,
A madness the world did not let me choose.

Lost Sunbeams

Oh but to loosen such vibrant flows,
As locked in chains, wind only dreams
To caress such silk where Eden grows,
And awestruck follows golden gleams.

Paradise slinking near behind,
Envious sorrows for never seen
Is beauty kept in chains divine,
That would bring light to shadowed scenes.

So release your bright, melodious song,
And let it fall upon the earth,
As angels who shall never belong,
But come to save and prove their worth.

Like travelers in an alien land,
Who long for one last taste of home,
But trapped in barren fields of sand,
Return from memories, again unknown.

To keep imprisoned beauties bold,
And bury deep within the bliss
From men who’d spit on Madonna’s throne,
Myself, I weep for what we’ve missed.

To dedicate myself, in perfect chaste
And thoughtless guard, and never sleep.
What perfection lies within our race,
Still locked in chains we cannot keep.

So fly now free from mortal bounds,
And join your kin, the lost sunbeams,
But forget you not such mortal grounds,
That could never hold lustrous dreams.

The Apathist’s Defense

Like a galley meandering down a tired stream,
While this verdant corridor glistens with a golden gleam.
Myself, with my eyes turned to nought but the ground,
Follow well-trodden paths without making a sound.

In a castle where lodges a legion of loons,
No windows will show how the grass turned to dunes.
So sheltered away behind comfortable lies,
No true word remembered while passing our eyes.

They dance in the forests; they’re locked behind trees,
And we tear down the doors because we’ve lost the keys.
Now I hear them laughing, for never they dream,
That the world should one day be torn out at the seams.

In prisons of steel which we chose by design,
Hearts withhold thoughts that we’ll never divine.
Cover my ears; I’ll let you choose the sound,
Anything beats this damn noise all around.

These eyes that are watching, now what do they see?
I never once thought they were looking for me.
If you say that they’re gone, no I won’t shed a tear,
Building up walls ‘til the end of my years.

As milky clouds melt into cool azure skies,
Leaving us now with a soft kiss goodbye.
Trapped within minds, now a treacherous haze,
Will cover the sun, confuse night with the day.

Not a thought could I spare, we were moving ahead,
Inexorably pushing towards that which we dread.
Now they’ve all gone away, where does the fault lie?
Well don’t look at me; I’m just another guy.

Like a galley meanders down a tired stream,
Pulled by the currents and pushed by the breeze.
All around they did dance, all the time that we missed,
For now let this stream bring me to the abyss.

Dreamcraft

I looked to call but never heard,
Her laughter towards a sorry form.
So hungry now I ate my words,
And walked beyond a silent storm.
Now still desired I to warm,
A cold and avaricious heart.
But lacking all ways to inform,
Here I stand, if ever to start?
But with me now, my sullen art,
So off to craft another soul.
Whose beauty words cannot impart,
Eyes of silver patterned with gold.
When the land of dreams meets the light of day,
You are with me then ‘fore you pass away.

First Into Heaven

First into Heaven, rush through the pearly gates,
You can’t hear me, I can’t see you,
No more time to wait.
First into Heaven, fly past the sunlit stairs,
I won’t lose you, you won’t lose me,
There’s too much time to care.

First into Eden, clipping the crimson rose,
Thorns and sorrow, leave for tomorrow,
Lost here in the glow.
First into Eden, garden without the rain,
Come tomorrow, there’ll be no sorrow,
If you’re coming back again.

Lost in the heavens, forgetting the earth below,
Don’t you see that what we’re feeling,
Only we can know.
Lost in the heavens, drift through the empty clouds,
What’s that you say? You’re leaving today,
No I don’t think that’s allowed.

Back in the garden, barren without the rain,
The trees are dying, I’m not crying,
I have no tears for pain.
Back in the garden, why did they close the gates?
You look so blue now, your lips don’t move now,
Don’t tell me it’s too late.

Language and Memory

One’s being as a collective whole is intended to grant clarity and understanding of one’s reality and yet simultaneously obfuscates the truth due to memory and the way we as humans perceive time. When I as a being perceive something, I do not perceive it in essence; that is to say, what I perceive is a construct of my mind which in turn enables me to understand it and deal with it on a level I am able to handle (hyperreality). My thoughts are drawn to the writings of H.P. Lovecraft, who prominently featured beings known as ‘eldritch abominations’ in his stories, or beings whose very existence or form was so alien to the human mind that it would drive a person insane. These things which seemed to violate the laws of nature were simply incompatible with our current state of mental evolution. In lieu of this we as a species have developed in such a way that we are keen to put labels on everything in order to allow us to maintain an (illusory) understanding of our reality. There are two principle factors that allow us to enter into a state of hyperreality: language and memory.

Language is necessary as the medium through which we as humans label things. Take color, for example. Though there may be an infinite number of shades of color that can exist, there is no shade of color we would say we do not have a name for. Sure we allow for ‘light’ or ‘dark’ blues, for example, and there are more exotic shades with names such as azure or magenta or the like, but for all intents and purposes we see a limited number of namable colors. Through labeling in such a way as this we actually negatively impact the number of different colors we see; in other words, it is difficult to see very slight variations in a color to the point of the different shades looking exactly the same. This principle, wherein having a finite number of words to describe something of infinite possible qualities limits one’s ability to perceive (or indeed accept) differences in qualities, applies across the board, not only to colors. While language is doubtlessly something of importance in the evolution of any species that desires to achieve a state of self-awareness, it is also limiting and should not be seen as a be-all end-all, as it limits our ability to perceive reality as it truly is.

Memory is the second key way in which we label things, and in many cases is far more likely to obscure an accurate understanding of reality than the limitations of language; for language, insofar as it is understood at an equal level by a group of people, is universal, which is to say that a word is accepted as having specific meanings unique to itself. While limiting, there is also a clarity in language that is not found in memory. Unlike language, memory is not universal, but is rather unique to each individual and their life experiences. While we use words in order to describe things, in the absence of memory we would not know the words to describe anything regardless. Through our collected memories we form a sense of self and an understanding of the world around us; however, because we are unable to perceive reality as it truly is, all our memories are thus constructed on a faulty premise; then, because our subsequent understanding of the world is being built on top of these earlier memories, our conception of reality becomes ever more twisted and perverted away from the true reality. As such, our perceived reality becomes ever more hyperreal, as we view things less and less on their own as a unique quantity and more and more in a relative sense beholden to our preconceptions.

Now this is not to say that memory and language and the like are not important; indeed, we cannot imagine an existence without them. This is precisely the reason we should not allow ourselves to become enslaved to them. One of my favorite words is ‘ineffable’, which essentially means unable to be put into words. Indeed, I see it as my purview as a poet to attempt to capture the ineffable in words. However, it is also worthwhile to understand that this is but the practice of taking something and putting a label on it so that we as humans may understand it. This does not constitute true understanding, and to think that words could ever define the real essence of something is folly. Neither memory nor language are things that are going anywhere soon, yet the inexorable movement of evolution demands that at some point we free ourselves from their respective shackles in order to move towards a more accurate and complete understanding of the world around us.

The Music of Skies

Who colored your eyes with the music of skies,
In the light where we bathe by the first sunrise?
Cast shadows on long lilting meadows of grass,
And wish for a sunrise that never would pass.

And I’ve never been one to fall on my knees,
No I’ve never been one to ask or say please.
But for you I should cross over harrowing seas,
In your arms and your eyes will my heart be at peace.

For the innocence found on a cool misty day,
As I walked through the clouds while the stars lit the way.
To remember a time when my virginal eyes,
Were still strangers to where your soft beauty lies.

It’s too easy to say I will never be free,
That I’ll lock myself up and to you give the key.
But I don’t need to say it; it’s already true,
My heart no more mine since I laid eyes on you.

Where silence breaks up the slow drone of the day,
Where fire stands strong against cold autumn rain,
Where the oasis is not but a trick the eyes play,
In this desert world I’m so glad I’m insane.

To believe that I could ever have called you mine,
For I come and I go but you stay for all time.
When a minute in heaven’s worth a lifetime in hell,
Will I see you again when they’re ringing the knell?

Through Swirling Eyes

All of the good things I don’t remember,
My life is sanguinity, my mind, tranquility,
My body is like the ocean and waves,
Remembrance now dies as I’m lost in the haze.

How many great words lost to secondhand thoughts,
That will cost more than time could ever be lost?
For those fears of the past I thought always would last,
Now I long to return where the days weren’t cast.

Thoughts have dried up, colors bleed,
Through swirling eyes I cannot see.
Shadows crawl while silence cries,
Lost in the place where memories die.

Turn my eyes up towards the sun,
Think back to days when I was young.
I remember the light from the morning sky,
As I sat there and watched the whole world passed me by.

When the sun was a question, the moon a reply,
And the stars all the memories held in the sky.
Blissful opacity or lucid pain,
Both are now lost in a mindless refrain.

Leave the Stars

You know we’ve been here before, how many times,
Have the stars been bored by two lovers’ eyes?
The same old story, the same old song,
And if they’re right, then it won’t be long.

You know I’ve seen you before, under the lights,
That take the darkness out of the nights.
Just like a picture, on a crowded wall,
Are we to them, ‘til the morning falls.

“Do you remember?” she smiled through unwept tears,
“You said we’d be together through unborn years”.
How many lies are spoken in the name of the night,
And are so quickly forgotten by the morning light?

How many have dreamed on a star before?
Have cast their wishes into a fiery core?
“Our night will be different, like none before”,
Lied a million lovers to a million more.

Let us leave the stars and the night behind,
Let us love in the day, you know that twice the time,
Could never be enough as long as I’m with you,
When the sun is up and the sky is blue.