Author Archives: Ryan Mellino

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About Ryan Mellino

Stop stop talking bout who's to blame, When all that counts is how to change.

When the Sun Falls to Earth

In the dark and frosty morning of the first winters chill,
I was alone inside my home on old Adam’s Hill.
Awakening to another day who knew only gray,
Who knew only gray.
And all I wanted to do was roll back in bed,
And drift away to other lands where nothing would be said,
Nothing would be said about this cold winter day,
This cold winter day.
The last embers burned out, I watched as they cried,
For the will to go on living but finally they died,
They died and the warmth that had tickled my bones,
Would not reach my soul.
No this man whose heart had given everything it had,
No longer had the strength to feel happy or feel sad,
Since the world had taken the only thing I ever wished to love,
I ever wished to love.

It was in spring when flowers meet the first exciting dawn,
When the sun is up and birds are calling them to come along.
My heart was young, my mind was light, as I walked through the fields,
As I walked through the fields.
I was alone, but no I heard a song that had no words,
A song that birds would dream to sing, a song that could be heard,
Not with the ears or with the mind but only with the heart,
Only with the heart.
Then she came, I thought the sun had fallen down to Earth,
Her hair was so radiant as to blind like light at first birth.
And her eyes were like two crystalline stars in a dark dark night,
Giving hope and light.
Everyday I walked through the fields and everyday I found,
Another reason, another life when love was all around.
For to be near her was to be near something words could not define,
To be with the divine.

Soon the days grew longer, and I praised the Lord for this,
Anytime I was asleep was a time that I would miss,
I was not with her and my dreams were only to be awake,
Only to be awake.
I raced the sun to the dawn, and watched him exit west,
Bowing out to the moon and stars when loving is the best.
It’s the things that you can’t see that always taste the sweetest,
Always taste the sweetest.
Sometimes we would spend the day and never speak a word,
Just sit and laugh at the beauty that existed in our world.
It was only times like this that I would fear death,
When heaven was every breath.
We thought as one we breathed as one we loved as one,
My Eve and I were only meant to exist as one.
And the force that would tear us apart,
Even the devil felt ashamed.

As summer waned and autumn’s colors first swept crossed the trees,
We felt no chill together from the cool fall breeze.
We believed that life would never change, and harmony would go on,
Harmony would go on.
But from the first cough I was scared and soon she lay in bed,
I was right there by her side and together we both read.
Poems that passed down through the ages, looking now for wisdom,
What to do at the end.
I remember the day, a storm was raging as Satan sought his prize,
I watched her final breath escape her lips before my eyes.
But the skies had cleared and heaven reclaimed the only love I knew,
The only love I knew.
Half a man whose heart was now refusing to go on,
Life is just a petty game, for the ride we go along.
I knew that someday, someday I will feel my love again,
Feel your love again.

Man versus Woman

Man versus woman; the great battle, raging since the beginning of time. Stories of men abusing women and women using men have a long history. In more modern times, psychology has taken closer looks at the relationship, the subconscious mechanisms that guide interaction between these two diametrically opposed beings. Yet all these stories and studies have made the error of assuming male and female are genders. They are not. Man and woman are states of mind.

Let’s think about things for a minute. Is it really so easy to say all females are more manipulative naturally than males? It is easy to say, but that doesn’t make it right. Man and woman are not terms that have one meaning: there is a biological meaning and a psychological meaning. Biologically, the difference should be rather obvious I’d hope. But psychologically, the struggle between man and woman is a central theme and conflict in human history. It also now strikes me that I should clarify: when I say the struggle between man and woman is psychological, I don’t mean some identifying as a different gender than their biological sex. It is so much more than that.

Now let us delve into what these two concepts actually are. Man as a philosophical idea is connected with power, domination, strength, aggression, oppression. Men have always been the ruling class because of these traits. Now I say that, and one might be thinking “I thought this wasn’t biological?” Well, perceptive reader, it is true that in general the masculine state of mind is associated with the male biological gender. However, the key distinction to make is that it is not exclusive to that gender. In other words, a biological male can identify with the female state of mind and vice versa. He is not identifying with female as his biological gender but as his philosophy on life.

So what is the feminine state of mind then? The feminine state of mind is characterized by sensitivity, compassion, creativity. An easy way to compare is to say the man is the warrior, the female the artist. Now it perhaps appears that I am knocking men, and it is clearly better to be a woman. This is not strictly the case; the male state of mind was (is?) crucial for the survival and propagation of the human race to become to dominant species on Earth. The male mindset is very closely tied with Darwinist ideas about survival of the fittest. However, the question now is, we as humans have achieved our dominion over the fishes of the sea and birds of the air, how necessary is the man to human life?

My belief is that the ideal course of human advancement is to move away from the baser animal instincts of the man and towards the cultured and artistic ideals of the woman. Throughout human history, man has always been oppressing woman. We even call oppressive authority “the man” now. This type of order had it’s place in the evolution of humankind and the construction of society and civilization. But the time has come to take the next step in evolution. The man looks at the pleasures of the body as the greatest thing he can achieve. For him, sex, the propagation of the species, the most fundamental of all Darwinist ideals, is the greatest pleasure and achievement. I propose that we must turn to the mind for our next stage of evolution, not the body.

The rational mind is in constant conflict with the irrational body. The mind says to eat healthy, the body asks for sweets; the mind says woo the lady, show her you care, the body says take what is rightfully yours. We must strive to leave behind these base instincts to achieve a more realized state of being. The elevation of the human consciousness is the only viable path to evolution. The ideology of the man has run its course: we are already on top. We have “won”. Yet for the man it is never enough. There is no healthy victory. In lieu of other battles he will make his fellow man his enemy. Racism, sexism, nationalism: all ideas irrevocably tied to the male state of mind, designed to create a new battle to fight. Once we were one species, united in conflict with a hostile world; now we are many tribes, fighting amongst ourselves with no prize for the victor but yet more senseless conflict.

The female does not focus on outer conflict but inner struggle. Her greatest battle is creating a work of art, or achieving a serenity in a mad mad world. The female seeks to improve herself, rather than prove she is the strongest. Similar to Buddhism or transcendentalism, the female attempts to achieve a relative state of Nirvana on Earth. This is why the woman has always been subservient to the dominant male. She knows that true strength is not mastery of another but mastery of oneself. This is a concept the man is unable to grasp. He follows his base instincts and allows them to control his life. In this way, man in fact has less power than woman. What could possibly be more powerful than the mastery of one’s own mind and body? This is the next step in human evolution. If it is not taken, we will surely destroy ourselves; if it is, we will perfect ourselves.

The Importance of Unrequited Love

     Dante_and_beatrice

     We’ve all been there. We all have that one: elegant, graceful, beautiful, perfect. And out of our grasp. A love that could be so wonderful if only they felt the same way back. And yet we do not blame them; they are perfect, after all. It must be something we are doing wrong, must be some flaw in our character, some error in our personality. And so we look within and try to change, but there is no happy ending. Venus always eludes our grasp. But we never lose hope, no matter what happens. We never stop thinking, never stop trying, never stop loving the one who will never love us back. And through this we are lifted up ourselves to do things we would never have thought possible before. This is the power of unrequited love.
     There are several definitions of unrequited love, or perhaps misconceptions of what the true meaning of the phrase is. One who truly loves another would never do anything to hurt them, never grow angry with them, never become frustrated but for their own failings. Unrequited love is also very different from unconditional love. Unconditional love is an obligation, something that is a natural part of human life as with families and the like. Unrequited love is a choice, and therein lies the difference. With unrequited love, we throw ourselves into a whirlwind of emotions, knowing the end result will always disappoint, and yet holding on to the impossible hope, the perfect ideal, which overwhelms all reason. This devotion is not out of obligation but of choice, and for that it is much stronger, much deeper. It is a love that is given to another, not because they want it, but because they deserve it. This is the essence of unrequited love.
     Unrequited love need not be for another person. It could be for a country or a deity. But in all its forms, they key characteristic of unrequited love is that it inspires men to great things. It inspires the most selfless acts known to man, the greatest artistic achievements known to man. It inspires the lowly to raise themselves up and strive for greatness. It allows us to become something greater than we ever thought was possible. Through a pure love, a love unadulterated by the realities of life, a love that exists only as a perfect ideal within the mind, we can become more than we ever imagined. This is the importance of unrequited love.

Only a Dream

     I was laying alone in a wide open ocean. I felt a warm breeze roll across my naked body, the waves lapping gently on my shoulders. I knew not how I came to be in this place. I lifted my head, and gazed out on the sun, breaking through the cloud line on the horizon. Bathed in the warm hues, I could not tell whether the sun was rising or falling. I turned to roll over, but found my body seemed to be locked in place. Though I should perhaps have felt a tinge of panic at this, it seemed to matter not. I felt the breeze was calling my name, though it seemed muffled for some reason. Through all this I know not how long I lay there floating. Time seemed to dilate, seconds turning into minutes, minutes to hours. After what seemed like days, I looked up to find the sun had not even changed position. It lingered still, ever rising or setting on our lives.
     Eventually I came to realize that I was no longer in the water. Though my body still slept amongst the waves, my being had somehow risen into a new, ethereal place, looking down on the crystal ocean from the hazy air above. And then I realized I was not alone. As far as I could see from this new vantage point lay reflections, shimmering in the sunlight. When they came into focus, I saw that these reflections were people, who seemed strangely familiar to me. I saw some who appeared to be flying away, away from the earth and towards the stars, pilgrims and warriors alike. The colorful nebulas enveloped them, the sun painting rainbows on the water. Others sat in front of computers, programming the lives of machines who sought either to save the world or destroy it; the line was very faint. Far off in the distance I could hear music, softly strummed on the wind, and the waves were the harmonics echoing off. Now too I felt there was a voice, a voice soft but not sad singing along with the wind and water, but again it seemed as though it came from across a valley, echoing up the mountains, the words unclear. Thousands more of these specters called the water their home, and I pondered over every one of them, their identity and purpose on the tip of my tongue, until suddenly the wind began to howl, the waves swirled ever more rapidly, and dark clouds rolled over the sun, blotting out the light and leaving me blind.
     Then I was back in the water. A warm breeze swept across my body, the waves rippling past my shoulders. I looked up and saw the sun in its entirety, for the clouds had all been blown away, rising ever higher into the aqua sky. I hoped to stay there forever.
     And then I opened my eyes. Sunlight gleamed through the window. Feet slipped onto the ground, and made their way through the day. But my thoughts dwelled always where the day began. Still I saw the shadowy forms throughout my waking hours, shapes and colors flowing past, near and yet more foreign than can be imagined. The voices bouncing off my ears, drumming a beat so very different from my own. People playing for money and for power, for fame and for infamy, for life and for death. These hollow specters try to fill their emptiness with their earthly charades. But I know better than to listen for a song that cannot be heard. Dust returns to dust. And now, I long to be back in my mind, the only thing that is mine, though it was only a dream.

Personal Update #3

As I’m sure all you diligent reader-folk out there will notice, I’ve overhauled this here brand. Registered the domain, changed a number of titles, and created a Twitter to post even more words of wisdom. I am aware my posting is quite irregular. I’d like to think that will change this fall, but I wouldn’t put any bets on it.

Speaking of this fall, that will be when my first semester of college begins. In nary three weeks, I shall be moving into my dorm in Manhattan, the center of the world. My hope is this shall inspire me to write further, as small-town suburbia isn’t that great for things that aren’t alienation. As to my studies, tentatively psychology and/or computer science. Neither of those are my true dream, but we’ll see what happens.

At this time I would just like to thank anyone who is following, and especially those who have come back to view new content. It does my poor little heart good. I have a lot to say, and I want people to hear it. As much as I have been held back by a variety of fun mental ailments, every person who reads one of my essays or poems is one more person who I hope was made, if nothing else, to stop and think.

Get stuffed!

The Summer’s Rhyme

In time, melting shadows rearrange upon the wall,
Low light laughing at the simple madness of it all.
With seconds counting paradise, for always bound to fall,
Is the child crying softly at the madness of it all.
Plug my ears and tie me up but still the sirens’ call,
Brings me back with voices singing of the madness of it all.

I cannot shake the feeling that I have been here before,
How many times have I been knocking on the same red door?
Sometimes I’m on the ceiling and sometimes I’m on the floor,
Doesn’t matter when the only exit is the same red door.
He doesn’t care how much I ask or how much I implore,
The only answer I will find’s behind the same red door.

Am I a man or am I just a lonely speck of time,
Dancing for the winter’s pleasure, or for the summer’s rhyme?
If time could last forever I don’t think that we would find,
Any respite from the galaxies that write the summer’s rhyme.
Now the end is coming, the beginning very close behind,
And through it all, the only sound, the foolish summer’s rhyme.

Chasing the Apocalypse

Twisting yellow madness shrouding,
Pale lit sky so far ahead.
But I can taste it, I can taste it,
Buried with my mother’s bed.

Paradise lost when heaven’s found,
And heaven’s nothing I haven’t seen.
Like a friend passed in the shallow darkness,
Known once in a sallow dream.

There is no end, there’s no beginning,
Chasing the apocalypse.

Reality colored only in dreams,
From a palette of faded white and gold.
I’m nothing I haven’t been already,
Nothing when I’m not lost and cold.

Burning light in a blackened sky,
Stepping quietly out the door.
I saw death but it was only nothing,
Nothing I haven’t known before.

There is no end, there’s no beginning,
Chasing the apocalypse.

The Look of God

I dreamed but could a dream capture the quiet majesty,
Of Venus dancing through the meadows, carried by the breeze.
I saw the sun break through the clouds to help her on her way,
It must have been a dream that could so carry me away.
Hair just like a prism, shattered the light in molten rays,
Drenched the world in many colors not yet given names.
I heard the mountain call to her, wind rushing down the vale,
And she answered with a song as the wind rose to a gale.
She used no words, she didn’t need them, no words could convey,
Nor could the moon nor stars nor sun on any solemn day,
Compare to my fair Venus, the look of God over her eyes,
And the angels wept in jealousy, in silent crystal skies.

I dreamed but could a dream capture the quiet majesty,
Of Venus dancing in the shallows, bathing in the breeze.
I saw her silhouetted in the sunset by the bay,
It must have been a dream that could so carry me away.
Eyes that pierce like burning diamonds, and love like tender swans,
Lips that bless the world with every breath like a new dawn.
I heard the ocean call to her, the waves came rushing on,
But all the noise on heaven and earth could not drown out her song.
She used no words, she didn’t need them, no words could convey,
Nor could the moon nor stars nor sun on any solemn day,
Compare to my fair Venus, the look of God over her eyes,
And the angels wept in jealousy, in silent crystal skies.

Loaded Dice

Grey clouds roll in, I don’t know where to begin,
I hear the wind begin to roar like a wave in the sea.
First drop at my door, suddenly starts to pour,
And then I’m washed away by deadly harmony.

We’re playing a game, but not playing the same,
I’ve got two aces, he’s got three up his sleeve.
And the judge and the jury, in their righteous fury,
Roll their loaded dice and keep me from being free.

Put on my cowl, oh the wind it does howl,
And I can’t hear myself over the thunderous skies.
Blue clouds bright day, have all but faded away,
As I peer through the haze of their web of lies.

We’re playing a game, but not playing the same,
I’ve got two aces, he’s got three up his sleeve.
And the judge and the jury, in their righteous fury,
Roll their loaded dice and keep me from being free.

For years it goes on, singing an endless song,
The cries of sorrow that they’ll never hear.
And when the rain stops, there falls the final drop,
From the eyes rains down, a single tear.

We’re playing a game, but not playing the same,
I’ve got two aces, he’s got three up his sleeve.
And the judge and the jury, in their righteous fury,
Roll their loaded dice and keep me from being free.

Musings on Love

“I am human and I need to be loved,
Just like everybody else does”
– Morrissey

It is commonly accepted that love is a fundamental force in the world of humanity, that it is something that everyone is searching for and that brings happiness when it is found. But why is love such a dominant and overpowering force in the human consciousness?

The answer is, as usual, evolution. After all, what is the purpose of life? If you are a diligent reader of this blog, you may recall that survival is the purpose of life. However, there is a second and very closely related purpose that is shared by all species, and that is procreation. Humanity would die out very quickly as a species if we all became sterile, or (unthinkably) stopped doing, well, you know.

Thusly, love is in fact the main goal of life, a goal that is not so much passive (as is survival) as it is aggressive, by which I mean to say you have to get out there and make it happen. The development of the emotion of love behind the base instinct of sex is well in line with the development of all emotions. All emotions are derived from base instincts which have been evolved into a new form  by the complexity of the human brain until the initial reason for their existence is forgotten in many cases. It’s all very postmodern.

The emotion of love is beneficial to the survival of humanity because it gives people the feeling of a higher purpose, resultant from the happiness it brings. Chemically of course, love might as well be a drug so that’s no surprise. Love is also beneficial in that it (in it’s more advanced forms) promotes monogamy and stronger familial bonds, which lead to more stable lives and thus higher rates of survival, not mention faster evolution as common ideas are passed down from one generation to the next.

I suppose the question now becomes why doesn’t everyone love each other? My best answer is that evolution, which is driven by conflict, and procreation, which is aided by stability, are currently existing in a state of relative equilibrium which has allowed humanity to become the dominant species on the planet. My hope is that in time, the more base aspects of evolution will become transcended as conflict becomes an unnecessary component of change. For now, all I know is that I need to be loved.

Just like everybody else does.